Kaleidoscope
by anastacianott
Summary: A marathon of ideas or parts of stories, without beginning or end, that would verb your imagination as to what is going on. All consist of Loki because I love him.
1. Chapter 1

A/N:

Hello! This is my marathon of Loki prompts! I had this idea for _ever_, to have a field of discussion where you can imagine what is ever happening here J I would _love_ to know your points of view, what is going to happen or happened before, because most of these pieces don't have clear beginning or end, just a slice of life.

I had a ton of ideas, but they didn't go further than my notebook. Still, the ideas I wanted to share, because I am too miserable or lazy or inept to write a decent fic from them.

I warn you that most of these are Loki angst and whump, but as always I hold only the best wishes for my god ; ) (I think I showed it with my other fics) Cause I love him. I don't agree with anything they did to a character since TDW. Ragnarok is trash, regarding Loki's portrayal, just a joke. Fight me.

I will try to post something every week, some stories can be 100 words, others 2000K.

Any comments are welcome. Enjoy!

~ I ~

Loki had a dream that Thanos' ship will approach them and kill everyone on board. Loki woke up with a scream on his lips, he was feeling so cold he couldn't even move from fear of what he saw. After a moment, he pulled himself together, the visions of his captivity before his eyes not disappearing no matter how he tried to banish them. The remembered pain and horror he lived in for so long away from the nine realms so fresh in his mind, as if he didn't escape but was _still_ tortured and all _this_ was just a dream.

But no. If anything – the disgraced prince, abandoned son, monster and villain - he was a survivor. And his whole essence screamed and howled to get away, and get away right NOW.

Because otherwise something, or _someone_, would catch up with the last of Asgardian people to wipe them out from existence.

And what would this someone do to Loki, he couldn't even imagine without wanting to throw up or kill himself to spare himself an eternity of torment.

Not going to happen.

Loki stood up, fear making his movements quicker, his mind sharper. He knew what he had to do.

Thor... He wouldn't understand, not at first, but Loki couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk Thor. And others.

He had to do it.

Conjuring the Tesseract was easy. Immediately Loki felt it whisper, calling to him. And for once, Loki was going to listen. Closing his eyes Loki concentrated.

In the next moment the ship with the last of Asgard disappeared in blue light.

"What in the Hel?!"

"What happened?"

"Where are we?"

Thor was seething. He didn't understand what happened. One second he looked on the map with Heimdall, discussing how long it will take to reach Midgard and in the other, the world lighted up in blue and they were thrown across the room. When they pulled themselves up and looked around, the stars were different. Sharing confusing looks, they returned to the map and Thor gaped. They were so much further than a moment ago! Who did this?! How did it happen?!

Loki.

He would start from him.

"Brother."

"Did you do it?! Did you - is that the _Tesseract_?"

"Yes."

"You-!"

Loki flinched. Was Thor really going to hit him? Thor stopped himself, with great effort, and instead snapped the cube from Loki's trembling hands. Loki just couldn't stop trembling, his nerves he tried to heal for years now, so hardly won little victories when he didn't flinch from any move, any loud noise, any contact - have now betrayed him. And all because of Thanos. He was pathetic.

Thor has had enough. He truly has had enough of Loki.

"Brother. I need to tell you something-"

"No, Loki! _No_."

His brother recoiled. Thor snapped his mouth shut but frustration and so much anger at Loki won over his guilt. Enough was enough.

"I don't care about your excuses. I don't care what tales you will pour for me to hear. I don't care. I want you to leave this ship and get lost. You... You... Everything you do, Loki... You really are irredeemable. I tried so hard, but the others were right. There is no hope for you. And I wish to have nothing of it anymore. I don't want to have anything more to do with you. Get out. Get out of this ship. Now it is truly over, Loki."

Thor wanted Loki to feel his rage, and to hear him, that is why he looked into his eyes all the while he was talking. Otherwise, he would have missed the moment Loki seemed to... to break? Loki cared not for anything, so why was he looking as if dead inside? No matter. He said his word, his law. Right? But Loki also didn't smirk, didn't scoff. He did nothing but look at him. Why did his heart squeeze in pain from that look? Loki had to stop. He had to... Thor could see Loki's hands shake. Why... He said he wouldn't listen, but should he? Maybe he...

"All right, brother. That is a goodbye then." Loki whispered. Before Thor could decide what to do (call him back? apologize? hug him?) Loki took a step back and almost run from him. Thor was left to stand, feeling as if he has made a huge mistake.

He didn't have anything but his armor on his back. He truly had nothing. The situation starkly reminded him of the battle on Bifrost. Failing in the Void. Then he also had nothing. Absolutely. Nothing. Loki laughed. Sobbed. He truly was alone now, having not a thing in the whole world. For some reason he imagined his baby self, left on the frozen rock, to die. Was it not the same? Thousand years in between, but his fate was the same.

Abandoned, starved, left to die.

For once he volunteered to share the information, because, a funny thing, no one ever asked him, nobody _cared_. And when he has finally found the courage, he was denied. Rejected. Dismissed. Because when ever Loki was listened to?

"You know. I really think he had something important to say."

"What?"

"Your brother. I think you needed to listen to him."

"... Why do you think so?"

"No reason. I just thought I recognized the look in his eyes."

"What look?"

"The look... the look of a person facing the upcoming death."

A/N: What do you think?


	2. Chapter 2

~ II ~

~o~0~o~

Loki was back in the past, right in the middle of Thor's coronation. He momentarily recognized what happened, but before he could somehow proceed to what to do, the unbearable pain in his head made him fall on his knees and scream. For a moment he was horrified Thanos took a hold on him, again, but no. The pain was different. But still unbearable.

It didn't matter that thousands of people watched him, the pain was blinding and deafening. He couldn't even hear how his mother shouted in alarm and fear when he dropped like the dead on the golden floor, blood seeping from his eyes and ears. Aside from that first agonized scream when Loki thought his skull was split open, he made no sound, he was unable. After unbearable moments of feeling torturous pain in his head, Loki had finally lost consciousness.

Aesir watched in dismay and incredulity how the second Prince let out a short horrible scream full of pain right in the middle of the heir becoming their king, and then fell down. Many instantly suspected Loki to just take everyone's attention on himself, knowing him jealous and bitter about Thor takes the throne. Some even laughed at such a childish trick, sneering in disgust. That was until the closest person to the dais saw the blood of the Prince that marred the floor, so much of it. Women screamed in horror at how their second Prince became pale and deathly looking, his movements slowing to a complete stop. The Queen was screaming for the healers. Thor stood still, not believing in what was happening. Thor's friends joined him, murmuring something quietly in his ear, the Lady Sif somewhat angry. Thor looked at his father and saw him, unmoving on the throne, looking a little bored if that was possible. Thor didn't know what to think. Loki could simply be faking the whole thing... ruining his day of triumph. That was what the Warriors Three were thinking, as well as Sif. But as Eir was directing her apprentices to help move Loki, who was _white_, Odin suddenly called for Thor to quickly come with him.  
As Thor was leaving the throne room with bitterness and anger at Loki, he promised himself to make his brother pay for it.

The joining of the bloody Frost Giants to the equation was the last drop. _The monsters dared!_ Everything looked suspicious and one look at father confirmed that Loki's interruption and then the Jotuns' suicidal attack was not a coincidence. And Thor would find out the truth.  
All his rage and spite at Loki for what the snake did vanished in a second Thor saw mother crying at Loki's bedside. The picture where his mother, the Queen, who was always presentable without a hint of what she felt in front of others, got shattered in a million pieces.

Frigga was weeping, holding Loki's limp hand as it was her anchor in the world. Finally, looking where his brother lay on the bed in the Hall of Healing, Thor felt his heart stutter in horror and fear. Loki as if got older in those hours he was absent, so different and barely recognizable anymore. His face was stone still and lifeless. No color was left. Thor didn't think he would feel afraid again like that time in Nornheim, when he almost lost his brother to death. Loki miraculously survived then. Now... One look at Loki and Thor doubted it would end with a miracle again.

His mother cried out when she saw him step into the room as if in a daze. Thor was near her immediately, gathering her in a hug. His eyes were still on Loki.  
Brother, what happened to you?  
"My son." Frigga sobbed. Thor wasn't sure who she meant.  
"What is wrong with him?" He asked with a trembling voice. Loki was as good as dead, that with no blood left in his face, with his lips blue and almost absent breath in his chest.  
"Thor, tell me... Have you seen Loki in pain? Maybe he was feeling unwell before? Have you noticed your brother's health worsening in previous days? Please tell me."  
"No, mother. I... I didn't notice. Loki was fine. I swear he was fine!"  
"Sweet Norns, for what you punish us?! Why him?! Why my Loki?!"  
"Mother! Please tell me what is wrong with him!"  
"No one knows," Frigga squeezed his hands. "It is something with his brain, it... It is like a hemorrhage." On Thor's dumbfounded look, Frigga explained. "Effusion of blood, like a stroke..." The Queen teared up again. "But how could it happen?! Loki has been never ill since childhood! What curse is this..."  
Thor held his mother tighter, disbelieving that Loki could have hid something this big from him and their friends. A stroke, effusion. Norns.  
But surely! Surely they would have noticed! Surely... Only he wasn't so sure. Loki was avoiding them lately. Their friends, and Thor himself, thought it was because of the oncoming coronation and Loki was just jealous and couldn't make himself be glad for Thor, but with the newfound information, Loki... Oh no. Loki could have been ill and they didn't notice! All this time Loki could have suffered in silence, but Thor's mind was completely on his coronation! Everyone neglected to see deeply in Loki's behavior. Gods, he was such a fool!  
Thor prayed his brother would wake up. His coronation was completely forgotten.

People started to believe Loki's sudden illness a bad omen, that Thor's coronation would bring out destruction and ruin.

Loki was afraid to open his eyes. Not enough that it hurt to form a simple thought, but it was unknown what reality he would see. Because Loki remembered - he was at Thor's coronation. How it was possible, he had absolutely no idea. It was absurd, unbelievable.  
But what if...  
What if fate took pity on him, for all his misery and despair? What if he had his second chance to live?  
Loki always thought himself unlucky - just look at his history! Unwanted, abandoned monster, took in just to be a pawn. Disrespected, always in shadows, mocked and unlikable. Rejected and left for dead. Locked up for eternity and forgotten. But maybe...  
He could live. It was too good to be true. But if it was... He would not be so foolish enough to make the same mistakes.  
And if it was true, it was not surprising - his condition. The years worth of memories were thrown into his younger (good, naive, lost) self, resulting in his brain overload. If Loki knew anything in healing, then it would pass. Surely, it would not happen instantly, but in time he would be back to his... his...  
Health, position, _freedom_…  
He was free, he was still a Prince of Asgard, he was still a good son who didn't know about the monster under his skin, and his _parents_ didn't even suspect that he knew their dirty little secret.  
Oh. How... delightful.  
And just because no one would ever think about the possibility of time travel, he would be treated as gravely ill. Eir, no matter how he once liked her, wouldn't come out with a right diagnosis. Sorry, Eir. But better you don't know.  
Loki didn't know how much time passed since he lost consciousness (in front of all of Asgard, like a flower, gah). No matter. Asgard thought worse of him anyway. It was nothing. Maybe he would even play on some emotions, why not. He recalled that there was a lot of blood he lost. It was even better.

"Oh, my son! Why didn't you tell anybody?"  
"Mother?"  
"It couldn't have had appeared from nowhere. Tell me, when you started to feel bad?"  
"I..."  
"Please, don't lie to me!"  
Hmm...  
"It started... It started a week or something before O- before father proclaimed Thor his heir, I think... At first I thought it was because I felt nervous, and then upset, but the- the pain stayed for the next day. And the next. I confess I dismissed it, because - what is a headache? I could have simply inhaled some toxic potions in my studies, I don't know. So I let it be. I know I did a foolish thing, not asking Eir but... " Well, it was true. "But everyone's been very busy. I didn't want to ruin the Thor's day."  
"You... you foolish child!" Frigga shouted at him in anger after what started to cry again. As much as it was amusing to lie to everyone, seeing his mother's tears was not.  
"Mother, please..."  
"You could have died, do you understand that?! Died because of... Your health is more important than the coronation! To Hel with it if that meant you would be well. Loki..."  
Here Loki could no longer pretend and gathered his mother in his arms. It was unreal for him to hold her. Because the last time he did... It was so long ago, right after Laufey hurt her. After that Loki had only an illusion.  
"I must tell your father and Thor. Your brother was beyond himself with worry for you, my son." But not Odin, huh? Interesting, what did Odin feel?  
"I am sure you exaggerate, mother. Thor cared not for me-"  
"No! He was worried! Do not lower his care for you, boy!" Care for a Jotun.  
"I am sorry... I don't know why I am saying such things... everything's confusing. But..."  
"Yes?"  
"W-what about Thor? Is he king? Have I missed it?"  
"Oh. No. It was cancelled. And something else happened in the midst of chaos."  
"What?"  
"The Jotuns." Oh dear. "Some of them got into the vault."  
"Norns, mother. I hope no one is hurt, and they are dead!" He wasn't really glad for their deaths if he was honest with himself, but... He was also ashamed of himself for using the Bifrost as the means of destruction. Damn him. "What did they want?"

Frigga was looking strangely at him, sadly. But she looked down and took her emotions on hold.  
"They wanted the Casket Odin took from them in the war."  
"I see. Though... you said, some of them? Not many?

"Just a few. They are dead now... My son. Please."

"Mother?"

"Please be careful."

"Always, mother. I will be very careful." From now on.

The Warriors Three and Sif entered the healing room and Loki stilled. How foolish he was to want to win their sympathy, their respect. They never had it for him. Foolish child.  
"Wow, lad. You look..."  
Older. He was looking like he was the last time he remembered himself. With sharp bones, weary hardened eyes, lines on his face from various hardships. Loki was so very tired. And now on his young face it looked all the more obvious. This young Loki hasn't endured the Void, the Titan, the Other, the Hulk, the prison. The death.  
"What are you doing here? " Loki asked turning away from them. He was done playing alone with their farce. They were here to accuse him and speak on the behalf of Thor's wounded pride. Not because they cared Loki was ill. So why bother. After this day no one would mistake these four for Loki Odinson's friends.  
"Oh! Can't friends come to inquire about their friend's health? You gave everyone quite a scare."  
"I am alive."  
"That's it? Nothing else to say, no tale to spread?"  
"No."  
"Won't you even look at us?" Sif hissed, trying to seem friendly, but failing spectacularly.  
"Why, lady Sif. I might have almost died from the cob in my brain but I distantly remember your face sneering in _disgust_ as I lay bleeding."  
The way all four's faces paled and then shifted in discomfort was so interesting to watch. Because Loki surprised them. Never before he was so bold as to call them out on their behavior. He was silent before their jabs. Just endured their arrogance.  
Not anymore. He was not the same Loki. And they should know that.  
"Wow, Loki. Harsh. Sif would never do that, right? We all know that! You must have imagined it." Fandral tried to make the situation better, as always. "But I hear from your lips it was bad, huh?"

"Nothing I want to share with you. Now. Be so kind as to leave me." Too villainous too soon? Loki thought as the four people stared at him. "I don't feel well." There. Better.

"Oh. Yes! Of course, er. Get well, Loki." Vostagg muttered uncertainly, turning to the exit. The others followed after, throwing the man nervous gazes.

Loki watched them until the doors closed. After what he lay down and closed his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

~ III ~

~o~0~o~

~ III ~

~o~0~o~

At least Heimdall took care of the Tesseract, Loki thought melancholy as Thanos' hand closed over his neck.

WhenSanctuary IIfired atStatesmanfor the first time, Loki knew it would end in death. His, most likely, but it mattered not. Thor needed to survive. If there was any chance for the battle against the mad titan to be won, Thor needed to survive.

And Loki would help him with it as long as he could.

The Aesir survived the destroying of Asgard, they survived Hela. And all be damned if they couldn't survive a bunch of filthy aliens. The Valkyrie screamed and seethed, but she took care of the people and took them away from the battlefield, that now raged aboard theStatesman.

Heimdall and Thor fought against Cull Obsidian, while Loki was trying to distract Maw. It was difficult and Loki was losing, but at least he was giving the other two gods time. The Hulk was engaged with Proxima and Corvus and his chances looked manageable.

But all of this meant nothing when Thanos stepped his feet on the ship. The moment it happened, everything as if stopped.

Loki knew they were the dead men. In the second when everyone was distracted by Thanos' arrival, Loki threw a spell so that Heimdall disappeared from everyone's eyes but his. Not that Loki went around and preened about how intelligent he was, no. But he suspected that if the worse came to worse, Heimdall would have the power to transport Thor to safety, so the Thunderer would continue his journey.

Even if it meant being alone.

Loki could not suppress his pained howl when Thanos pushed his arm with the knife away and in the next breath titan's another – gauntleted – hand hit him across it, breaking it seemed all the bones in his left arm. Dazed from agony Loki thought he heard Thor shouting his name, but his mind was too distracted with watching purple energy dance across his broken arm, multiplying the painful sensations. It took seconds until he couldn't feel his arm, which now fell uselessly at his side.

It would be difficult to live without an arm.

Before Loki could fully comprehend what his revelation meant to him, his eyes snapped up when he felt a crushing weight on his throat.

Oh gods.

Thanos decided to stop playing with the food and has gone for the kill. Loki's mind exploded in panic and fear, when he couldn't take a single breath. It was even worse than his arm. Loki felt blood streaming down his face, his veins bulge painfully, his vision going dark.

It was the end.

Loki swore he had one last heartbeat to live, when the hand holding him suddenly disappeared and Loki fell on the ground hard. He gasped for air, but it was a very close call, that he didn't know if he breathed again or just couldn't anymore. Then he felt hands touching him, carefully but hurriedly. Loki, still wheezing, tried to open his eyes, but everything was a red blur, he couldn't see. It hurt to see.

The whine was ripped from his throat as he was straightened out to sit across from the one who was near. His magic was working relentless to heal the horrible damage to his throat, but Loki was tired, he didn't have enough energyto begin with.

"-ki. Loki! Please!

No. No, it was too painful. Loki wanted to freeze time so that it would. Stop. Hurting. He couldn't feel his arm, his neck – by the gods – it hurt something horrible, his mouth was full of blood, he still couldn't see much. But he was pushed to his feet, that couldn't hold his weight and was half carried somewhere.

Please just leave him somewhere to rest.

He felt Bifrost energy envelop him and would have cried from relief, if it didn't mean that he was jolted from all sides by the jump and after eternity dropped somewhere hard. He didn't move anymore.

"Loki? How… How is your arm?"

"I think it's gone, Thor."

He could see the moment Thor comprehended his words and the horror that stole his breath away. But the Thunderer schooled his face to a smile – weak and pathetic – to reassure him.

"I don't believe there is nothing to be done. We-we will find a way, brother."

"I wanted to save it!"

"For yourself?!"

"NO! Keep it away from him! So he would never get his hands on it."

"No, Loki. I'm sorry. I truly am. Please come here. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Well. You rarely not do so."

"I am sor-"

"Forget it."

"So. What do we do?"

"We plan, brother."

~o~0~o~

Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

~ IV ~

~o~0~o~

What if Loki was indeed suicidal and wanted, dreamed that after everything he had to go through, to suffer he would surrender himself to Asgard. Loki wanted his life to be over, for Thor to take him back to die at the only home he ever had, real or not.

But his plans failed and Odin didn't kill him.

Typical.

But the wish remained still.

The first thing Loki is faced with while entering the cell is emptiness. Nothing is there, just three white walls. He knows that it would hurt him soon enough - this harsh light. But comparing with never ending darkness, for a while it is a good change of scenery.

Realizing that no one would visit him (will they ever?) Loki finds himself very very tired. He hasn't slept for so long it was ridiculous. So maybe here, alone, away from everything, Loki could let himself go already and close his eyes to rest. There on the floor (not the worst place if to think about it) just lie down and sleep.

~o~0~o~

The guards came to the All Father when he was with Thor and told them both that the prisoner Loki lay down two days ago and has not stirred yet, motionless and still. Eat he didn't either.

Thor immediately suspected some trick, maybe even a prison break - Loki is waiting for them to come into a cell and then under his illusion - escape. Odin suspected as much and ordered Thor to find out, using any methods in restraining Loki if need be.

Thor ordered to instantly close the force field after him as soon as he will be inside with the prisoner, to which the Einherjar obeyed. Thor stomped to the huddled figure in the corner of the cell, harshly turning the body on its back.

The Thunderer was right - Loki was using an illusion. Only it was not that kind of illusion. And it made him reel inside.

Loki appeared to be indeed in a deep slumber (Loki knew he was safe here, it was enough) - a sleep so deep that Loki must have lost the connection to his consciousness entirely, making him lose the glamour he had on his body. His face gaunt and gray, yellowish purple bags under his eyes, dangerously malnourished frame and sickly looking body. Gasping involuntarily, Thor even noticed the discoloration of skin, where there were traces of burns on Loki's hairline and neck that... weren't there before. Looking more closely, Thor saw strange marks on Loki's temples as well, as if something was plugged to his brother's head.

Loki looked beaten but not by the Hulk. It was something else.

Something evil.

When Thor manhandled Loki into wakefulness, the Trickster did it sluggishly, with much difficulty as if to open one's eyes was the hardest thing in the world. Loki's body was heavy from sleep and slow to react to a rough treatment, but some kind of instinct pushed in and soon enough, Loki jerked himself awake and aware that someone was there with him in a cell. Thor let Loki scramble away more because of the shock of the sight he has seen than of slowness. Green eyes finally fully alert, Loki slowly covered his face with a hand still glaring at Thor and after a green spark, the illusion of healthy body was back in place. Even if Loki knew that Thor saw everything.

"What are you doing here?" Loki asked without any trace of emotion in his quiet voice.

Thor swallowed and realized that he had no idea how to answer the simple question. His mind was too confused to find something to say. Loki watched and then huffed. His anger was pointless.

"Get out."

Thor was taken aback by quiet words, but in his surprise and utter confusion, he did just that.

Turning on his way from the dungeons, Thor saw Loki lying back on the floor to resume his sleep.

~o~0~o~

"Did I ask for a bed?" Thor and Frigga were silent. "So I didn't. So take it from wherever you took it and leave me be. I don't require anything from you, the least of all your pity."

"Then you deny the things we give you?"

Loki rolled his eyes tired away.

"The only thing I asked for was denied to me. So why should I need anything else?"

"What did you ask for? Maybe something could be arranged, Loki." Frigga asked. More like pleaded.

"Oh. Then it would be agreeable. Maybe even you, Thor, could arrange it for me."

"What is it, Loki?"

"My death."


	5. Chapter 5

~ V ~

Valkyrie came back to the ship and saw only the wreckage. Bodies. Death.

It was Asgard all over again.

She didn't find Thor. But she has found Heimdal.

And she has found Loki.

Brunhilde grieved. She failed at protecting the throne. Loki was dead. Dead. She suffered when she closed his eyes, when she had to bid his way to Valhalla.

Tony and Nebula heard an SOS signal, not knowing it was too late. There they found Valkyrie.

"Oh... God."

Valkyrie swore that she would return the bodies of the watchman and her prince to Thor.

Loki wakes up in Hel. He never realized that he would not be able to go to Valhalla, to his mother. He so wished. But he was Jotun. He had no place with her. Even in death, Odin denied him.

Loki choked with grief. He died. And he lost. And he was alone.

Hela comes and they talk. Truly talk. Over their deaths, over Odin and his lies. Over Thor and over Thanos. Hela laughs when Loki asks if she could help.

She tells Loki if he wanted to be back, she would need his body to revive him.

For the first time in a very long time, Loki feels joy being a part of the family. He has a sister. And Hela feels the same.

'I wouldn't mind dying beside you'.

Benatar descends on Earth. It would be some time before someone comes for them. But as Valkyrie steps from the ship, a black portal appears and there Hela is. She overpowers the trio and comes to Loki's body. Valkyrie is screaming at her as she watches helpless as Hela's goons bring Loki's body and lay it unceremoniously under her feet.

'NO! Don't you dare, demoness! Leave him alone! You bitch don't touch him! Don't touch my prince!'

Hela smirks at her wails angrily as Hela casually turns Loki's head so the ugly bruising are of the view before everyone. Humming to herself, Hela looks up at the trio. She then grabs Loki by the neck in a swift motion hails him upright. Before Val could shout out, Hela swept away in a portal. With Loki's body.

'No! No no no...' The portal appears again and when Brunhilde with a scream raises her sword to kill anyone who comes out, she freezes as no other than Loki is stumbling out of it. He gasps and then falls as if he forgot how to walk. Val is so shocked she does not see Hela steps right behind her brother. She looks surprisingly concerned when Loki fails to stand up and seems to go into some sort of panic attack.

Really, it was bound to happen. After so much shit happening to him with no outlet, everything keeping inside, he was no longer able to hold himself aloof and strong.

He died. Died in pain and terror. He suffered for years with no witnesses. He hurt and hurt and hurt.

Now the fact that he was back to life, that his neck was in agony, his vision so lacking, his sanity barely holding on…

He almost forgot what it felt to feel the sun and hear the wind being in Hel. He was oversensitive and weak.

He felt someone touching his shoulder and shuddered in fright. What if it was the Black Order? Or Thanos? What if...

But very carefully he was being swept into the embrace. He couldn't hold his gasp (whimper) as he felt his neck shift. But that someone was holding him secure, safe. He still could not see properly but he recognized the feeling of armor, hair and scent of a drink. Valkyrie?

'Val…' His voice broke. Brunhilde sobbed in relief and held him tighter before reluctantly releasing him.

He felt her suddenly leaping on her feet and heard the steel. Her sword. He felt helpless, he still couldn't see.

'Get _back_!'

'Oh, get lost. Loki?'

He heard a low growl and felt a hand on his back, bizarrely comforting, realizing that literally _death_ was touching him.

'H-hela?'

'Yes. Don't worry, little brother. It will pass. Coming to life is hella painful. Huh?'

'Not.. funny.'

'Yeah, right. Lie to yourself.'

The Valkyrie gritted her teeth in sheer impotence as she watched both Loki and Hela sitting on the ground together and her prince leaning on her and she supporting him patiently.

She felt Stark losing his shit behind her, but she couldn't help him. She was so angry she could barely stand stubbornly stepped to the kneeling siblings.

'Who are you? The golding I know of, but you are?'

'Oh darling, I am someone who would one day greet you in my kingdom. I am Hela the goddess of Death.'

'What?' Stark asked confused.

'I am greatly surprised you know of my brother. I also suspect how exactly you two met. And what you did to him. So I wonder, shouldn't I take you with me so much sooner than your time, hmm?'

Nebula stiffened and stood in protective position. Hela smiled menacingly. But a hand on hers stopped her.

'Hela...'

Loki finally took his other hand from his eyes. He seemed to regain some of his sight, he had started to heal himself slowly. And he didn't want Hela to maim or kill anyone, no less their possible allies.

'Desist.'

'Bold of you to command me when –'

'Please, stop it.'

Hela actually shut up. She never imagined she would worry for the brat. But seeing him sitting on the ground pale and injured and small... She relented. For now at least.

'Can you stand?'

'Um... With help?' He smiled charmingly. It would have been charming if his face wasn't grey color and all bloodied. Hela sighed dramatically.

'Oh all right.'


	6. Chapter 6

~ VI ~

"HEIMDALL!"

~o~0~o~

Thor has got his coronation. It was so strange. He couldn't have predicted that it would happen on a ship drifting in space with a number of survivors fleeting from Ragnarok. The Valkyrie has already found a bottle from somewhere. Hulk has gone at the hold. Heimdall though, was strangely silent.

Well. And of course there was an elephant in the room.

"There is a lot of work ahead of us. Valkyrie, do you know how many of us survived?"

"Um, yeah. Sure, I know. Too little."

"Is it really necessary?" Thor asked pointing on the bottle.

"Yeah."

"Heimdall?"

"I think Lackey knows how to make some facial recognition by the ship or something. Where is he anyway?"

"I would have thought that he would like to bask at the attention. Because he was a hero today." Thor smiled. The Valkyrie snorted.

"My king."

"But I know him. He is already across half the galaxy by now."

"Thor."

"Yes?"

"Thor. Do you... Do you remember how you sent Loki to the vault?"

"Of course."

"Loki- he would have been in the vault as the Ragnarok started."

"Yes, I know Heimdall. I sent him there. What is your point?" Thor asked a little irritated. His wounds hurt and Loki left him to figure out everything alone. He turned to Brunhilde but she suddenly became quiet.

"My king. You sent your brother to the vault. How could he have appeared here if he were so inclined?"

"Heimdall. You and I both know Loki can - can teleport. He does it all the time. It's his choice that he is not here. Isn't it always?"

"There are no portals in the vault, my king."

"What? What portals?"

"There are no portals there. And Loki couldn't have escaped."

"Thor..." Brun whispered.

"I don't understand. What portals? Loki needs no portals."

"Loki always needs portals to walk the places. There were no portals in the vault. Thor. Loki didn't escape the vault."

Thor... stopped. Thor stopped, as the noise stopped, the smell stopped and as did the air. The air stopped and it was hard to breathe. The sight stopped and it was hard to see, even with his good eye. Loki didn't escape the vault.

Thor looked at his hands. The blood was still red there under his nails.

There were no portals in the vault.

Thor heard what Heimdall said, he did. But even as the valkyrie shook him to get his attention, Thor couldn't get rid of something else that the gatekeeper has said.

"I sent him to the vault."

Yes. That. That was what he couldn't get rid of. Loki was not here. Of course he wasn't. He was across the galaxy now.

Only he wasn't.

He was in the vault when Asgard burned. When it exploded. Fell into utter ruin. In the vault where he sent Loki. His brother.

"I sent him to the vault."

And Loki is so so smart, it sometimes drew Thor mad. So clever. He must have known there were no portals. And Loki still went. Why? Because Thor told him to.

His eye burned, Thor didn't know why it did so spontaneously now. His eye burned and his head swam. Why was it so bright?

He heard his name being called but the Norns must have heard him and took the light away, with them. And it was finally blessedly dark.

~o~0~o~

He called for someone. Who was it? He could swear he saw his old man before it became unbearable. What was Odin doing, appearing before him? Wasn't he dead? Was he - Loki - dead? Why must it hurt so if he were dead? Cruel.

But he called... Ah. Heimdall. Could have the gatekeeper saved him? Loki helped. Saved them all...

And they left. Left him there. It was his ship and they have gone without him... Typical. Like any thing going wrong in his life, he was left alone. But Heimdall... Oh. Oh, right. Heimdall couldn't summon the Bifrost. Stupid. Oh how silly. Sorry, gatekeeper. My poor Loki bad. Heimdall couldn't have helped. Saved him. He was meant to die there, with Asgard. Strange, he didn't hesitate... Oh, of course he did. Loki, don't lie to yourself. You were terrified.

But still. You went. Because?

Because his oafish brother willed it.

No one would have come for him.

And of course. Loki must do everything by himself. Alone.

That was why he remembered a way he showed two stupid jotuns a lifetime ago.

That was why his charred back got mercy in the snows of Jotunheim.

Funny. A burned Jotun. Excellent joke. He liked it.

He would just lie there, in the snow. Until he died or survived. He would find out nonetheless what fate awaited him.

But for now he would sleep.

~o~0~o~


	7. Chapter 7

~ VII ~

~o~0~o~

Loki, Val and Bruce couldn't make the Avengers listen.

Loki sighed in defeat. It was pointless.

The Aesir looked at him with hope but even they suspected something was wrong. Loki closed his eyes.

"People of Adgard. We have all endured much. But it seems that we will have to endure a little more. Midgard denied the help we asked of them, closed the gates of sanctuary before us. Mortals are ever fickle and diverged between themselves. I can only say - it doesn't matter. Hear me, citizens. I plead with you to have patience of little bit longer. I will take us all to Vanaheim as Midgard said no to Thor's people. I will- the magic I think to perform is unstable and... I will not be able to accompany you- "

" My prince! "

" Prince Loki, no! "

" But how could we-"

" Peace. The Valkyrie that fought with my brother and I is capable of keeping you safe. Trust in her as I do and Thor does. Your king will be with you shortly. Asgard as a place may be destroyed, but Asgard as people lives. So let it prosper. I pray the Norns smile upon you. Fare thee well. "

" You kissed me. "

" For luck, Lackey.

"To be kissed by a Valkyrie - my fan boy's heart sings with joy. Just don't kiss Thor, if only in this I wish to be unique."

"You got it, Highness. Just don't... Don't die. There have been enough deaths already. Hela has got enough..."

" Will you miss me then?"

" Fuck off, Odinsson.

"Bruce. I bid you fare well and ask you that she has not drunk herself to death. And... Look out for Thor's people, if it is not much trouble."

" Um... Loki I... I don't understand a thing! You - you are gonna what? Open a portal? Is it safe? Will YOU be safe? Are you... Oh. No no no. Thor NEEDS you! You can't just-"

" Of course I can. I do what I want. Just don't abandon him. He has got enough as it is. You are a good friend to him."

"We may be good friends but you are his brother! Loki!"

"Midgard denied us. I need to keep you all safe. Enough. Go. I need to prepare."

"Loki... I don't wanna…"

"Go. Tell Thor... um."

"He knows. But I will tell him. And... Thank you. You are one strange cookie."

"I don't need to remind you to be careful with Hulk. There are children present."

"Wow… Ah. You got it. Thanks."

"Good. Now go before I lose my temper and decide that Grandmaster is not so bad after all to be around."

"Yeah, Sakaar is just your place."

"Chaos. Delightful."

"Bye, Prince Loki Odinsson. May the Norns smile upon you."

Loki performed magic. Asgardians vanished in blue light. Loki collapsed. Strange appeared and whisked him away.

Thor came with the Guardians. He was enraged and hurt. He asked where Loki was now and his people. They told him. Thor felt his heart shatter. Loki was the only family he has left. Loki's power was great, but even it could give up. Thor dreaded if his brother sacrificed his life for their people. Not because it was a trick but because he had no choice. Because Thor's friends abandoned him in a time of need. Thor never felt so alone.

"Thor, could you please tell us what the hell is going on!"

"Loki has told you. I wish not to speak with you. Your betrayal is hard to forgive. And NOW that I know what it may have cost - me and my people! - I am leaving. Loki is twice the savior of Asgard and may be dead because of my mistaken trust in you. But no more. Beware mortals, the menace comes the realms had seen once and barely survived. I will ask other realms for help for but only united we can hope to overcome it. Midgard showed me that it is not ready, nor it is kind. You may hear from me but I will not make a mistake of calling you friends any longer. Good bye."

Strange takes Thor and shows him Loki. Thor is beyond happy until he sees his brother still and frail. With Strange help they are sent to Vanaheim.


	8. Chapter 8

~ VIII ~

A/N: Some angsty angst. Sorry, folks - Thor is not very great here.

The Avengers go to Nidavellir. Loki & Tony friendship.

Enjoy!

~o~0~o~

"Hey, a question? Why is there not a place for the king's brother? Is royalty not sitting together or something?"

"The Jotun filth will not darken our home! Its place is out there, not here."

"... Right. Yep. Thanks. Good talk."

"You hear that creature? No abomination is welcome in our golden halls!"

Tony was almost on his way out of the grand doors, when he slowly came to a stop. Something in his chest clenched at the sight of Loki standing in the shadows, alone and silent, when his brother, and others were inside, celebrating. The loudest laughs were heard even from here. And Thor - had he simply allowed it? What a load of crap.

Tony knew he was a dumbass. He was going to regret it. But what the hell! He liked Loki. It was so difficult to find a kindred soul nowadays!

As Loki's status was redefined from an enemy to ally (and in Tony's book from shit-really-guys? to well-aren't-you-crazy-I-like-it), the trickster showed everyone that he was more than a villain. Still an asshole, but interesting. And Tony Stark was curious. And so after a number of projects, magic talks, evening drinks and real talks about their lives later here Tony Stark was. Leaving a cool party full of booze and food and friends and armor engineering on a freaking alien planet for Loki. Because Loki wasn't there and nobody seemed to notice this other than him.

Tony sighed and walked back to the ship.

"Forgot something good sir?" The dwarf guard asked pleasantly. Stark felt nauseated from the striking difference between how they addressed him and how just a moment ago some other dwarf addressed Loki.

"No, I'm good. Just wanted to keep my friend company, seeing as he is not allowed in because of some... rules?"

"Oh, leave it. Better come inside, drink, be merry. I'm sure you'll hear a great tale of that over there. Of how my cousins sewed its mouth with a cord. A truly glorious tale!"

Stark reeled hearing it. Not thinking twice he rushed at Loki's side and only then let himself take a deep breath. And paused.

While Loki may have looked all right, Tony was still a genius. And what he saw gave him chills, taking into account that he was already shaken.

Loki was standing perfectly still, his eyes looking ahead. However, while silent, his breathing was rushed, as if he was suffocating. Suffering. If Tony didn't know better, he would say that Loki was a hair's breadth from keening. He had a panic attack. But that way so no one ever recognized it. It was likely a deep-rooted trauma, untreated and left festering. But Loki... he...

For how long he was hiding it? Did anybody even know about this? WHY WAS NOBODY HERE FOR HIM?!

"Hey. Loki? Come with me, yes? Please I need some help. It's really important. Loki. You coming?"

Tony swallowed seeing as Loki with titanium effort took a breath to calm himself. He blinked slowly and made himself relax. Forcefully. Then he turned to Tony with a raised brow.

"What is it, Stark?"

"Um. Yeah, let us go inside. I've got it there."

"... Alright. Lead the way."

Jesus. What a mess.

~o~0~o~

"As I found out much later, they found out the secret of my parentage and threatened to tell everyone. Back then I couldn't… comprehend the reason for their behavior, their hatred for me. They said I was a… coldhearted filthy liar. I didn't know what to think, I was ignorant of why I was despised on sight. It was so confusing. Back then… I was so scared. I just wanted to go home.

"Anyway. Odin couldn't have his authority questioned. They manipulated the events that way so it somehow resulted in everything becoming myfault. And… and so Odin let them do as they please. So that the truth about the second prince being a Jotun would stay hidden. Instead there will be a truth of arrogant liar prince tricking the honorable dwarf people and being rightly punished for it will prevail."

"…my cousins sewed its mouth with a cord. A truly glorious tale!"

"I have never got an opportunity to ask Odin why. When we came back, he ignored me as I healed. And later he was always so angry at me. I surrendered to the lie that yes, of course - it was Loki's fault. But deep inside I knew the truth. I did nothing wrong. But I also understood my placein the royal family. And never forgot it since."

Just… God. Dammit.

"But... How could Thor-"

"He was the one to hold me down. It was... was a fine tale told in the halls of drinking in Asgard. The... people called Thor's place, a place of honor. H-he gladly ap-approved."

"... Shit. How old were you?"

"Does... Does it matter? If I was a child then, what does it matter? If it was to happen to me now, it would have hurt the same. Like it hurts now. Only Thor brought… new friends this time."

"Why did Thor bring you here now? He, he knows, right? So how could he..."

"... I don't know."

~o~0~o~

"Thor you are my friend. But right now you are a piece of shit in my eyes!"

"Stark?"

"How could you bring your brother here? No, Steve, I will hiss and shout all I please! Don't tell me to calm down! Did you forget what happened to him, Thor? Did you?!"

"Oh, Stark. It was a long time ago."

"SO WHAT? Have you asked him if he is fine with it?"

"There is no need for such–"

"Did you not fucking notice that he wasn't there with you? Do you even care that he spent the whole time waiting for you, for all of you, outside?"

"Outside..?"

"Those fuckers didn't let him in, damn it!"

"It is their right."

"Their... right? Their right?!"

"Loki wronged them, they have a right to ban him from their lands. I don't see what the fuss is about, Stark."

"You... Oh. I see. I... I have no words. Yeah. No. Oh God..."

"Tony?"

"Whatever. I'm going out."

"Tony, wait! What is it all about?" Tony ignored Steve's cry.

Fuck this shit. He will ask if Loki is okay if Tony reveals the truth to the oblivious idiot. And if yes (he hoped Loki will agree, for his own sake), Tony will do Loki's case justice. Tony would do it right. Loki deserved that his family would not dismiss his pain, that finally, after so much time, it would be recognized. And, perhaps, finally healed.


	9. Chapter 9

~ IX ~

~o~0~o~

Thor noticed that while Loki has always been silent while he slept, now there was some disturbing wheeze from him, every time he took a deep breath.

Only much later he found out that it was the wound in his chest Loki took in the battle with the elves that caused it. The wound Thor believed Loki faked to escape.

~o~0~o~

Loki often sat in front of the illuminator and watched the stars. Nothing has changed. Everyone greeted Thor as if he was their everything.

Your Majesty! So happy. So adoring.

That could not be said about Loki. Even if they didn't scoff at him, talking behind his back, the people ignored the Loki's presence entirely. Like he was invisible. Nothing.

But he thought...

Loki truly hoped, he really believed that things would change.

Wishful thinking.

~o~0~o~

"Do you understand me, Loki?" Thor repeats, pulling from the hug but still keeping his hands on Loki's shoulders. The look in his eye is piercing. "You are my brother and my advisor and I need you by my side. I need you here with me."

Loki couldn't look away. It was really happening. His private, quiet prayers gotten answered. Loki didn't dare to assume, not after that catastrophic talk in the elevator on Sakaar. But thank the Norns – Thor lied then. The trickster got tricked and Thor lied. He needed Loki after all. Not everything was lost between them. That was exactly what he wanted to hear from Thor. And he was happy.

~o~0~o~

Too bad it was just a dream.

~o~0~o~

Loki jerked awake and couldn't stop gasping. A moment too late, he realized that it was not gasping, but the sobs that tore his chest inside out.

Not for the first time Loki has had a dream, a very realistic dream (they all were deceivingly realistic), where he was cared for. He was cared for.

His words were taken into account, his deeds acknowledged.

His family asked after him. His brother sought his presence and advice.

His subjects respected him and treated him as it was ought of his status as a prince.

His friends, his very own friends, called after him when he was free.

His skin didn't frighten him, instead being of great help to the citizens in the need of it.

He was doing his duty and was coming back to his rooms with the feeling of contentedness. Happily accepting to dine with his parents in the garden under the skies of Asgard on a warm evening.

But it was... just... a dream.

A dream.

Things he was craving for his whole life lined in a perfect play. An ideal life.

Loki collapsed back and curled into a tight ball under a light blanket.

What a cruel dream.

Every day waking up, Loki was devastated. These dreams hurt, hurt like nothing else. Even the torture he endured was kinder in a sense – because it was just pain. And the pain goes away eventually.

It was worse. Because every day - for just a moment - Loki felt what a dream-he felt. For this feeling alone, Loki would curse the Norns for letting him feel it just to snatch him back to his reality. When all those things, things that could have been true, they could, could! - were fake. Unreal. Impossible for him to have.

Loki cried. And he cried harder, knowing that no one could see him, or care to come check, because that was the truth of it all.

Parents, brother, friends and subjects. He has never had any.

He was alone as he always was.

And nothing would change that.

Only in his dreams.

~o~0~o~

Loki started to sleep more, often not having enough strength to face the real world when the dream one was so nice.

But he had to. Thor would not hesitate to give him trouble for not sitting in the meetings where all his words were dismissed and he was simply walked over.

After some trying days, were it the Valkyrie degrading him incessantly of the humans scowling at him in uneasy and disgust, or Thor falling back into his habits of treating him like shit, Loki would retire early just so he could go back to his dreams quicker.

Loki gave in in lying to himself that there was something worth living for in the real world.

Besides, he couldn't lie to himself further that he wouldn't be happy to die in his sleep. If only to Valhalla to greet him back as an old friend.

Recently Loki stopped waking up with tear tracks on his cheeks. For some time now, he has accepted the thing that was happening to him. He knew that these dreams were unnatural; maybe it was even magic in action (whose he didn't have a clue). Loki didn't really care.

Sometimes the visions he dreamed about have helped to go about his days.

And that was a relief.

~o~0~o~

"I don't know if you noticed but your brother must be plotting something."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen him around much, you know? And that is the cause for concern."

"You think?.. Hmm. I haven't seen him either."

"I just know it, you know! You must be careful. Stay alert."

"Loki is my brother! And there is no proof he plots any misdeed!"

"Yeah, of course. Just a warning. Its Loki after all."

~o~0~o~

"Loki? Loki!"

"Thor?... Oh. Sorry. I just..."

"… Overslept?"

"Um, yes. Never mind. What is it brother? How can I help?"

Strange wording, Thor thought. Strange everyhting. Something was wrong with Loki. He looked… fragile. Thor hoped Loki was not getting ill. After everything that happened to them, Thor would not lose anyone. Especially not his brother.

~o~0~o~

The dream where he spent all day with Odin was the hardest to forget. The hardest to accept. Because no matter how he tried, Loki couldn't remember when Odin was interested in anything Loki was doing. Mostly Odin just wasn't there. The old man's eye always evaded his second son, dismissing his existence to the likes of anything else.

Now the old man was interested, even amused. Fond of his son. Odin took his time to listen to his grievances, his dreams, his troubles. Shared his own. Odin was a father Loki always wanted. Always needed.

Loki hoped that this dream would come to him again tonight.

~o~0~o~

One day the stress became too much, and Loki realized that he could not do it anymore. He struggles with himself, he has struggled his whole life with his dark thoughts, but recently he just couldn't anymore. He was tired of fighting in a war in which he could not win.

Trying not to bring attention to himself, but not caring much if the others saw him trembling, Loki run to his secluded rooms. Opening the locker, the god took out the sleeping pills. He asquired them not long ago from Bruce, who didn't ask any questions, just silently provided the pills. He must have understood that Loki needed them. It was embarrassing, truly, but Bruce did not show he cared one bit.

Ever since they came to Midgard, Bruce became distant. Having spent so much time on the ship, Loki was disappointed that Banner now ignored him. Loki thought they have found some middle ground, forgetting for a time that once they were enemies. Instead, they shared time by talking and studying things – from the ship constructions to magic theories (Bruce studying, Loki schooling and monitoring). The mortal seemed interested, curios, and even friendly. But. Loki had to admit, he wasn't surprised when Bruce Banner changed after coming home, on Earth. Loki knew it will be like that – that Bruce would meet his friends and forget about the trickster god. That he wouldn't acknowledge him if there was someone from the Avengers present. Nothing new, after all. Loki was cut out, whereas the relationship with Thor only got stronger. And of course, the Valkyrie. Even though no one knew who she was, what she did for a living not so long ago, everyone welcomed her, because she was Thor's friend.

Loki knew his musings were pointless and nothing would change because of his moping, but he was hurt. A little. No one had to know, but he won't lie to himself at least.

Loki took the pills, and to make sure that no one interrupted his dreams (he was not sure anyone would bother, just to be on the safe side), Loki spelled the pills for them to work longer and to put him more deeply into sleep.

Loki no longer cared for how long he would sleep. He just surrendered to the blissful fantasy. For him it was his own Walhalla.

But even if Loki no longer cared that his life was in danger after experimenting on the medication, someone else did.

~o~0~o~

Having not seen his brother for so long, nor hear from him, Thor worried. He was busy and the thoughts of Loki slipped his mind often, but one day enough was enough.

Thor asked after Loki, but no one has seen him.

It was midday when he went to his brother's room.

Having heard nothing after his knocking, Thor sighed, then entered the small room and… gone still.

It was so startling to see Loki laying on the bed, his body relaxed and face serene. His expression was so peaceful Thor regretted waking him up. But they really needed to talk. It was long overdue.

As he quietly sat on the bed, Thor couldn't remember the last time he had seen his brother sleeping. On the ship Loki's bed was on the other side of the hall, separate from those Thor placed in his council – Heimdal, Valkyrie, Korg, Bruce.

The brothers became strangers long before his coronation. Thor now started to realize just how much he neglected to even give his brother a courtesy of saying goodnight even once these last… months. Years. Long long years…

Thor was surprised Loki didn't wake up instantly when Thor only came in the room. Loki was always a light sleeper and any noise would rouse him. Now Loki didn't even stir.

~o~0~o~

Loki would not wake.

No matter how desperately Thor tried, his brother remained listless. The king shook Loki, spoke to him, pleaded with him – all pointless. Loki's head would loll to the side, his breathing too deep and heartbeat slow.

Here and now Thor became scared.

Shouting for Bruce, they both wheeled Loki to the hospital where Bruce declared grimly that Loki was in a coma. And the doctor was unable to do anything about it.

By the evening, Thor was beyond himself with worry and fear. It was not like Loki to fall for some illness so easily. There must be something else in play.

Thor needed to know. He went to Heimdal, but the gatekeeper didn't see Loki. No one had seen Loki other than on the group meetings, which he visited less and less.

Desperate, when Loki was senseless for two days already and still no answers, Thor investigated further by going against his promise and watching the videos from Loki's room (the campus was full of cameras for security purposes – and everyone agreed, assured by knowing only few in Asgard had the tapes, no others and definitely no humans).

And Thor saw something that shook him.

So often, his brother would go to sleep and then jerk away from sleep and break down in tears. His brother cried so...

It happened time and again and Thors heart clenched in pain seeing his brother weeping.

But later Loki became calmer. Right until his behavior changed completely and every day Loki rose with a little smile on his face.

It was dumbfounding how much Loki slept. And if only it supposed to make Loki strong and healthy, but no. Loki was only becoming weaker and paler, his movements sluggish and stance exhausted.

More Loki slept, more he weakened.

And Thor made it his mission to find out the reason for Loki's behavior.

~o~0~o~

He would prefer never to resort to it, but it was his last option. But while sitting by Loki's bedside Thor wowed to his sleeping brother that he will make it right by him.

Thor asked Strange for help.

In the end, a wizard found out the truth. He told Thor that Loki's magic was damaged, with scars if he could say so. Loki must have strained it and pushed and pushed, an environment and stress and pains making the magic sick. But the magic was sentient. It cared for its master and to help Loki forget the hurts, the struggle and stress; it gave Loki respite in the form of dreams. Happy dreams, fabricated from memory, because Loki's mental health for the past several years took too much blows.

Too much pain and too little comfort.

So the magic came up with a plan. To help the master, distract him, while trying to heal itself.

However, while Loki became calmer, it took too much of the god's energy to spend on healing. The more he slept the more strength it took. It turned out that Loki cornered himself, like the snake devouring its own tail.

Strange said he could break this circle. Thor was so relieved he thought that he might even hug the arrogant bastard. The god just could no longer look at how his younger brother wasted away.

~o~0~o~

When Loki eventually woke up, he realized with surprise, that something in real world was still worth living for. His brother got sure of it.

~o~0~o~

A/N: I hope you liked it :)


	10. Chapter 10

~ X ~

~o~0~o~

Thor finds out that Loki lives in the house in Vanaheim. With a... with a family. Unknown woman - a rare beauty - and a boy. Impossible, because it couldn't be... Loki's son?  
Its Fenrir! But how? And why isn't he still a beastly wolf? Questions with no answers.  
Loki stands from the bed but takes a cane. A cane? Thor sees that Loki's right lower leg up to his knee is hidden beneath the tight black cloth.

~o~0~o~

"Darling, look at me. Don't ever think yourself guilty for this. Never. It is not your fault, my son. It is Odin's. He is responsible for what happened to me, not you, never you. Please believe me, my sweet."  
"But... But I... " Fenrir sniffed as his eyes welled with tears.  
Loki knelt on both legs with as little wince as he could muster and took his son in the embrace, hugging him tightly and protectively.  
"You couldn't control your actions. It was rage and fear that drove you, emotions spelled at you by Odin. You would never have done this, hurt me, knowing it was me, wouldn't you?" Loki whispered.  
"Father, never! I would never-"  
"I know. I know, dear. So please I beg you, don't darken your soul with this. It was never yours to shoulder. I don't blame you. I love you."  
"I-I love you too, daddy, so so much. Please don't ..."  
"Shhh... I'm here. I'm here. I love you, my son. There is nothing I wouldn't do for your happiness. You are my greatest treasure. You and your siblings."  
"And Sigyn?" Fenrir smiled cheekily, tears still glittering on reddened cheeks.  
"Yes. And my Sigyn. My family. "

"But you are limping. And walk with that..."- the boy pointed helplessly at the golden cane. Loki smirked.  
"You don't fancy myself with a cane? I though it looks rather dashing, hm?"  
"You are dashing even without it, my husband." Sigyn strolled into the room. Loki smiled broadly. Fenrir did it more shyly.  
"See? I'm pretty." Loki pulled his son at his side, the child burying his face in Loki's good leg.  
"Why don't we go out for a walk?"  
"But father-"  
"Needs his exercises, so it would be perfect. Go on, sweetling. Get dressed. I bet I will be quicker than you".  
Fenrir brightened up at the challenge. He leaped to the doors, until suddenly halting. Loki frowned in concern that smoothed into a soft smile as his son turned around and barreled right into him, almost throwing Loki from his feet. Fenrir was clinging to him for dear life, to which Loki crouched down to take his son in his hands and shower him with kisses that weren't avoided but on the contrary - almost desperately sought. Loki felt Sigyn lean her cheek to his back, sneaking her hand over his slim waist.  
"I love you daddy."  
"I love you more." Fenrir giggled and buried his nose in Loki's neck. The god only hugged his son closer, relishing the happy moment. He felt Sigyn kiss his shoulder from behind and turned a little so he could face her. Her light grey eyes shone with quiet happiness as well, So Loki didn't hesitate to lean down and capture her lips in a sweet kiss.  
That until Fenrir whined to be put down so he wouldn't be in the middle of the grown ups doing gross things. Those grown ups only smiled in the kiss and relented, leaving the boy to jump on the ground and run to his room to get dressed. They were not finished though.

~o~0~o~

Fenrir lashed out in madness when the magic that held him in animal's form, was released by Loki, and bit his father's leg, almost tearing it off. Loki howled, struggling against the massive teeth buried in his flesh, knowing it was a curse of breaking a spell before it could be finished. Fenrir dragged Loki who was screaming in agony across the ground, the blood painting everything red. With the last of strength Loki gathered his magic and blasted his son in the nose, distracting him for long enough so the wolf released Loki's leg, still painfully dragging the teeth on the pale skin, leaving long gashes before shrinking away. On the brink of losing his consciousness from the pain and shock, Loki knew there wouldn't be another chance, so he concentrated as much as he was able to break a spell Odin put on his son's form to stop the curse. Just as Fenrir opened his huge mouth to bestow a final killing blow, Loki's spell struck him. The once wolf cried and whined, before stilling. Through the red fog Loki watched his son convulsing, moaning, then shrinking in size until in the place of the giant wolf lay a little shivering child, blinking his huge green eyes, the crown of fluffy curly black locks shaking in confusion. Loki felt his heart swell with love, seeing his son, his boy, his dear child back in his born form, long unused but never forgotten by his father.  
Loki felt his eyes closing, his body in too much pain and faint from the bloodloss. He hated that he would have to leave his son now when he needed him most, had to reassure, to calm him - Fenrir would realize that the blood on him was Loki's, his father, he would realize what he has done. And Loki wouldn't be there to hold him, hug him, kiss him, tell him it wasn't his fault, never his. He wished he would stay conscious to be with the being he loved so much it hurt, after so much time passed to be finally reunited but for him to pass out. A thought flickered in Loki's mind that he could not indeed survive - Fenrir's bite could easily end him - but Loki hadn't lingered on it. The last thing he saw was a lovely adorable face of his son he so loved, free and unbound. Loki closed his eyes).

Fenrir blinked. He looked down and gasped. For so long he was a wolf that it was unusual to feel his hands now, his legs, not have tail or fangs. But that registered only briefly until he saw something that horrified him. His father was lying on the ground. Unmoving. Bleeding!  
Leaping to his feet, stumbling from having his legs so long unused, Fenrir fell beside his daddy. He remembered seeing him, he thought it was another dream, like so many before when he thought he was going mad. He didn't understand much, only glimpses. That he was a wolf and mean people - Aesir - bound him here he didn't know why. His father's shouts and tears, his cries. Since then was all a blur.  
But any child of Loki was smart. Raising his hand to touch his daddy's cheek - he missed him so much, waited for him, hoped to see him - Fenrir saw his hands coated in blood. Then with a horror the boy felt something drip from his chin and cried in terror. It was his father's blood. Looking at the bloody mess that was left instead of Loki's leg, Fenrir screamed. He did this! He hurt father, he killed him...  
He killed him...  
No! No, no, no! Please!  
"Father! Please father... Please wake up! I'm so sorry! Please, I'm sorry! Don't be dead, no, no, no..."  
His daddy wasn't reacting. Fenrir felt the emotions overwhelm him. So much happened and daddy won't wake... He killed him... Please no...

Without help his father would die. He needed to find help. Anywhere, anyhow. His father saved him, he would do the same.  
And then... then maybe father wouldn't be mad... maybe (Fenrir sniffed pathetically) maybe father would even forgive him one day...

~o~0~o~


	11. Chapter 11

~ XI ~

~o~0~o~

Thor and his friends played a joke on Loki making him believe all day that he was their friend and his any need mattered to the group. Loki asked to go to the forest to play and they joyfully agreed. Loki was happy like he never was before: for the first time in his life he had actual friends that 'listened' to him, his brother patted him on a shoulder and smiled at him, Sif was not cruel but playful and kind. Loki thought that he couldn't be happier.

That was until suddenly right out of the blue Volstagg came to him, smiled in his face and showed him painfully in the chest. Loki cried out in shock and fell back, desperately trying to hold onto something. He helplessly saw Thor - his brother - smirking as Loki fell and fell and fell until he couldn't beat back a cry of pain as his back collided with the ground. Blinking up tears of pain and shock Loki realized that the children pushed him to the hole in the ground, they... they have purposely lead him to this place and were now laughing hysterically above. Numb from shock Loki couldn't get away from the leaves and dirt that fell on his head as the boys showed it down the hole. His eyes burned not only from the sand in them.

Loki froze when he heard Sif as she started to pride herself that she was the best today in impersonating freak's friend. Thor roared with laughter saying that everyone was on the top today, seeing as his little kid brother was completely oblivious.

Loki was completely frozen in spot after hearing Thor reveal the cruelest thing they ever did to him... made him believe he was welcome in their midst. Loki couldn't even cry because tears were not coming, so great was his shock. He could only blink stupidly at the four visible heads from high above him, that enjoyed the trick they had played on him. His mind froze when he heard words like 'so pathetic', or 'did you see his face', or 'good job my friends'. So Thor was all along with the plan... Loki still couldn't make himself utter a sound when he noticed that the voices were getting far from the place they pushed him to, which meant they intended to leave him here, buried alive in some cave from which he saw no exit. Only tears dripped on the dirty cheeks when he stayed alone in silence. They left him here... And walked away... Left him alone...  
For a long time Loki sat with his back leaned on a grainy cold stone, looking in front of himself. Shock resulted in shivering that wasn't going away. To add to this how the sun begun to settle and the temperature quickly lowered so the air puffed before Loki's lips in smoke.

His back was still hurting, maybe he broke something when he fell, Loki didn't know. Couldn't check.

He wanted mother. Where was she?

And only on this thought Loki started to cry. But still silently, not daring to make a noise, because Loki was always a clever child and he read how in the forests any sound could summon some wild animal. And trapped like he was, with no way out would result in his... in his death.

Loki let out a sob and curled further in on himself, starting to feel his body begin to freeze - it was a night already. But he cried, not because he was afraid - and he was, very - he cried because he suddenly realized that indeed it was night. Which meant for hours nobody had remembered him, nor sought him out. Nobody cared that he was not back home with Thor. Thor... Knives stabbed Loki's already bleeding heart anew as he recalled his own brother's glee at Loki's pain and shock of betrayal. Thor betrayed him in the worst way possible, knowing that he tried so much for someone to notice him, wanted others to play with him, to seek him out, to 'see' him. Thor used his vulnerability and spat it right back in his face. It broke Loki's heart.

But the thing that shattered the remaining hope in his heart was the fact that no one was looking for him. He heard no guards calling his name, not his parents' frantic cries for their son, nothing. All Loki heard was silence.

Apparently nobody even noticed that he was absent from dinner - Thor must have taken all father's attention with his tales of bravery and strength, his mother would definitely beam at her perfect son with pride... and no one would stop to ask where their second son was.

Because it was definitely true seeing as no one was coming. And it meant he would be buried here until someone would luckily stumble on this quite unnoticeable place or some wild beast killed him.

Loki was trapped. And he could do nothing to save himself, hurt, starving, freezing and completely helpless here alone, abandoned and unneeded by anyone he thought cared for him.

The ground he lay on was like ice, little dust fell on his head every time the wind growled high above him. Loki stopped shivering as he wasn't even able to move anymore - after trying to climb from the tomb and failing every time, getting his hands scraped and cut to blood, Loki with a chilling thought got it - he couldn't get out. And if the night would become even colder for a bit, he could as well freeze to death.

But after such an emotional breakdown the death for the first time in his short life wasn't so frightening that should have scared him to think about it in so young an age but it strangely didn't. Loki didn't care anymore as he vaguely felt how his heart begun to beat slower and his breaths became deeper.

No thoughts were present in his head aside from one: his brother manipulated with his sacred feelings, let his cruel friends deceive him into believing that he actually mattered, Thor pushed him literally to his doom and his parents were not coming because they ignored or neglected to notice his absence. Not one soul in Asgard was thinking of him and that was killing him better than cold. Heimdall must have thought Loki not worth mentioning, and he clearly saw all...

Just as Loki's eyes begun to close in so much needed sleep, the boy heard someone growl. Blinking in the darkened cave and with some difficulty turning his gaze up the sky with his frozen body Loki guessed he hallucinated the sound and sighed in resignation.

But no. Someone cursed. And the loud bang of something falling to the ground. A man? Whining noise. A man on a horse? Rescue?

But what if he was dreaming it? Then he could call more danger from wilds of this forest then...

No. It was a man. Maybe he would save him? Loki let out a sob when he imagined the man looking at the hole and turning around, dismissing him.

'Please help...'

As the angry rambling continued, Loki realized his voice was unheard in this weather and from this height.

'Help.'

'Did you hear something, Diri? Or am I too drunk?'

'Please...' Loki rasped, his throat hurt.

'What in Hel?'

~.~.~

'Hang on in there, boy! Be brave just for a little more, kid, I'm coming!'

'...thank you...' As if the simple fact that someone was coming for him, took all the strengths Loki had in him for fighting. The relief and purest gratitude was so strong that Loki couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep knowing that at least one stranger came for him.

'Hey! Keep talking all right? Kid? Hey, don't fall asleep!'

~.~.~

'Oh goodness, you are like ice! Norns have mercy, please don't die on me, boy! Here, this will warm you up.'

'Drink it, come now. I don't care if you are too young, you need to warm up inside as well as outside. Oh, please, please...'

'Do I know you? You look familiar...'

'How did you end up here, you foolish boy? You would have died if I wasn't here- Shh... Don't worry. Shh... You are safe now... You are safe.'

~.~.~

Loki woke up feeling very warm yet very comfortable. He felt so good that be wanted immediately to go back to sleep. Only the slight tingling in his stiff fingers let him know that something was wrong.  
The tips of his fingers were blue. And with it everything rushed back at Loki at once.

~o~0~o~

A/N: This story could continue in various ways. One of them could be that eventually Loki will be back to the palace, Thor would say sorry, his parents would say that they were just kids and kids do stupid things. Loki would have to accept it and go on. But he will never forget.

Another way of story to go is that the good man takes Loki with him to his home. Later he will find out that the boy is actually a Prince of Asgard and would be shocked, but Loki would beg him to not tell anybody and _please please can he stay with him_? The man – lets say Björg – would be at a crossroads. Because it was treason to keep the prince from his family. But seeing as no one was coming for him – and at the town the people didn't talk a thing about the kidnapping, Björg would hesitate. And when the boy healed after the fall and frostbite, the man started to really care about the lad. After some rough night of crying, Björg finally heard what happened. And strangely, he himself no longer wanted to give Loki away. There was a question of Heimdal, but Loki finds out that somehow he can keep his presence hidden from him. At first, he thought that was why no one came, but from Björg's story – no one was looking in the first place.

They live in a small house, after what – Björg was a merchant – they leave to Vanaheim. Loki is all too glad to leave Asgard behind.

After three days passed, Thor tried to find Loki. But coming back to the cave he found it empty. Then he started to become scared. To tell his parents what he has done was unthinkable. After two more days and no word of Loki, Thor realizes that he would have to tell the truth. He consults with his friends, but they too are scared and strongly discourage him from this, because they, too, will suffer. Thor already lied that Loki was visiting one of his friends so that he wasn't home at dinners. His parents agreed it was good for Loki to have such friends.

Eventually after two weeks, Thor confesses.

Loki though is no longer on Asgard.

(I made myself cry while writing it, so I am sorry).

Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Angst, angst, angst. AU of Ragnarok.

Enjoy!

~ XII ~

~o~0~o~

He must have been tired. His wounds, that he got from Hela, must have been more serious than he thought. He should have been more alert.

If he were, then he wouldn't have been pressed face down to the ground, his hands bound by strong manacles.

Oh, he struggled. When the creatures – Scrulls (and what were they doing on this exact planet?) – sat him down and pressed some _thing_ to his temple, Thor threw all his remaining strength to push it away, because they were in his head! They watched how he- no! – they saw Asgard vessel, the people, Heimdall! Lok-

"Heimdall!"

His scream was struck by a well-aimed blow to the jaw. No, please, gatekeeper, see me, they know about Asgard, they know about the ship and where it is going, they know about his brother and-

No! For some foul reason they have focused on Loki and it was not good.

Loki was always near him on the ship, second in command, even if they have not discussed any positions yet, Loki used magic, he was there for the negotiations on a myriad travels on planets…

Thor felt himself freeze. They wouldn't…

For all the years Thor was alive, he saw many things. Living the life in the court taught him that there were always some plots of undermining the royal family of one of the greatest realms. Thor and Loki Odinsons were always in the danger of an assassination. The brothers were not naïve and always were careful even on the friendly visits to their allies.

No matter if they fought with each other, they stood side by side if there was a danger from others. They protected each other.

That was why Thor felt himself howl in horror as one of the Scrulls shifted into Thor himself and left for the ship.

Loki would not expect Thor to hurt him – not really. Loki will be caught off guard.

"NO! _Please_!"

~o~0~o~

The imposter lured Loki away, and while Thor was made to watch, attacked his brother and left him to death.

~o~0~o~

The planet was nothing special, Loki thought as he walked beside Thor. He has already negotiated the provision and supplies from the traders. The Valkyrie was loading everything on the ship right this moment.

Why Thor was so adamant of speaking to him, Loki hadn't a clue. Just as he didn't know what was so important that they had to walk so far away from the ship. It cannot be because of the view of the black rocks, can it?

Looking at these rocks brought up the memories of Svartalfheim and Loki had no wish to remember that horrid place. He hoped they would leave soon.

"All right, brother. What is it?"

Thor, who walked all this time in silence and was visibly tense, suddenly turned on Loki and struck him hard in the stomach. Shocked and winded, Loki doubled over and tried to stagger away. But he wasn't quick enough. Thor went after him and before Loki knew it, he was grabbed by the neck and slammed into the ground.

Loki couldn't draw a breath, the grip on his neck crushing.

"Th..thor..."

Loki was in a panic, he could not breathe. Thor was going to kill him! Why! What in Hel… What happened?!

"Brother..."

Thor let him go. Loki trembled from the sheer surrealism of what was happening. His neck was tender and hurting so much. Just as he raised his eyes to look at Thor, he gasped. In the moment after Thor let him go, his... brother still?... pulled a knife from his vembraces and stabbed him in the stomach. Loki could only watch wide eyed in Thor's indifferent face as he pulled the knife aside, gutting him, prolonging the agony.

He was sleeping. It was a nightmare. He had those involving Thor sometimes, but it has never felt so real. Thor... Why?

Struggling against the pain, Loki fearfully watched as Thor stood. Loki coughed and coughed his wound like a fire inside him. No, not again. His hands were soaked in blood.

After everything, Thor would be the one to end him. Without as much as a word. In silence.

Loki couldn't stifle a cry of agony as Thor grabbed him by the neck again and dragged him to the cliff. Oh, gods, no!

"Thor! N-no! What are you doing- please!"

He didn't hesitate. He pushed Loki over the edge.

~o~0~o~

Thor roared in agony, seeing the horrifying events unfolding before his eyes. He howled as Loki disappeared over the cliff and onto the rocks below. He sobbed as he watched himself turning around and walking away. As if nothing happened. As if the supposedly Thor didn't just lure his little brother, who saved Asgard, who came back to help him, who stayed and supported him, to the trap and then killed him in cold blood, hurting and torturing him beforehand.

They killed him. Killed Loki. Gods!

Losing consciousness, Thor could think only about one thing. He wished he could have died with Asgard.

~o~0~o~

Loki crawled, biting his lips to stiffer his cries of pain. How could Thor do this? Why? He had hoped they came to the same place in their relationship. How could he...

If he survived this, he will find out. No matter what.

~o~0~o~

A/N: Sorry, scrulls. I made you evil here, hehe.


	13. Chapter 13

~ XIII ~

~o~0~o~

"Guards! Leave us. Thor – you too. "

"Father! Please I-"

"Silence! Go, my son. "

Thor looked at Loki with mild concern, but then left as his father ordered. Loki stayed still looking at the ground. This was not a trial with all of the Aesir as witnesses. Odin wanted to decide this all by himself. In secret. _Why_?

When the hall emptied and only Odin and Loki remained, there was silence. Odin watched Loki with his good eye thinking. Loki now looked back at the man who ruined his life. Emotions returned - rage, despair, pain, hurt – everything like that night in the weapons vault. Did Odin know that something was off with Loki on Midgard? Will he listen to what Loki has to say? And _why_ all of this is kept secret?

Finally, Odin stepped in front of Loki and took off the muzzle. With the wave of his wrist shackles fell to the ground. Loki subconsciously took a step back. And stared back to what Odin will do to him next.

"He will come for you. We should be prepared. "

Loki froze, hearing those words. His breath hitched in his throat. _How does he know_? Does it mean…

"What?... What are you talking about-"?

_"Thanos_, boy. I know what he seeks. I know why he wanted Teseract."

Loki was slowly beginning to lose his composure. His brain didn't want to process the information. But at the same time his thoughts were flying with the speed of light.

_Odin knew?! What does it mean? How does he know about Thanos? He knew… From the beginning? From the moment he fell into their hands? And if so…_

"You… knew?"

"Yes," - Odin said simply. Fully realizing what his answer revealed.

Loki just stared at Odin. Oh. _Oh_. Truly – the simplest of words revealed enough. Gods. It… _hurts_. It can't be… Loki felt how tears started to burn in his eyes. He didn't notice one rolling down his cheek – his eyes were only on that one blue eye that showed him _everything_.

_Yes_. Odin knew. He. Knew. From the very moment Loki crashed at those terrifying black lands. He knew- no! He watched those beasts capture him, he watched how they found out who he was, he _watched_ how they tortured him… How day by day, weeks, months they broke him apart, how they ripped his body to shreds, mutilated his flesh, broke his bones and stole his mind…

And all of that was a part of Odin's plan. Odin just sat on his throne and let all of it happen. Heard Loki's screams, his painful howls and silent cries and waited. Waited when Loki will finally break and succumb to Thanos' will, waited when Loki will invade Midgard. Waited for him to fail. And patiently waited when Thor will return Loki in Asgard…

There was never a possibility where Odin intervenes, Loki mused numbly. Loki was again a pitiful pawn in All father's game. Pitiful, meaningless pawn. Tool. _Relic_…

Gods. Gods, please be merciful. Stop it. How could it… How could he… Again…

Loki didn't even have the strength to be angry. This situation was beyond pain. Beyond betrayal. Loki just couldn't comprehend those actions fully. It was as if it _can't_ be possible. Just can't! Because no one could be so cruel.

"As I said, - Odin continued evenly, - we will be prepared. When he comes you shall fight for what he has done to you. Then we will attack. Until that happens, you will live as you once were – at home. If Thor asks, you will tell him nothing – he should be strong for a future battle. Which will be for you, Loki, - Odin patted Loki's shoulder as if in comfort. The younger god felt sick. - Until then – rest. I will come day after tomorrow to make sure that you are supposedly punished for your treason against Asgard. It will be anti-magic bracelets but it is only for others eyes. You are free. Now go to your chambers. Your mother wished to see you. And… welcome home, my son."

Loki thought that if he begins to laugh he won't be able to stop. If he will fall – he will never stand again.

As if in a trance Loki stepped away from the throne room and slowly went to his rooms. No one stopped him. By the King's orders.

Each step was harder than previous. His heart ached. His whole being was like a shattered glass. There was nothing left to break.

After his ten steps, Loki was not able to catch himself (he didn't care much though) and fell on his knees. It was so hard to breath with your chest so tight with pain. His whole body trembled from the shock. Paralyzing shock. Even on that day in the Vaults Loki didn't feel so bad. So… destroyed. But now – Loki felt like a hollow shell.

Loki didn't realize that he was crying until some tears fell on his hands. Numbly Loki stared how a lonely tear so slowly rolled on his skin. At that moment that tear was all that mattered in Loki's world.

Somewhere far away Loki heard footsteps. They were coming near him but Loki didn't care. He just sat ungracefully on the floor in the hall staring at nothing. With his tears still running on his face Loki was just concentrating on breathing. Everything else was in the fog. He didn't care if someone saw him – they could kill him on the spot for all he cared. _That_ would be… a relief. For he longed for absolution.

"Loki?"

Someone called his name. Doesn't matter. Whoever it was he wasn't able even to focus his eyes to know. He was so tired. He just wanted a little rest. So tired of living…

~o~0~o~

"Loki, can you hear me? "

"Sif, I think he is in shock. We should… "

"Help me lift him up. To his room? "

"Do you think it's a good idea? "

"We can't leave him here! "

"No! Of course not. But… a healer maybe? He looks unwell. "

"Maybe later when he will sleep this over. "

"Guys, where is Thor? "

"Don't know. Come on – lift him up. "

"By the Nine! Loki was always thin but not to this degree! He weights nothing! "

"You know why. Come on. "

The Warriors Three and Sif carried unresponsive Loki to his chambers and carefully laid him on the bed. They will never reveal it but they saw and heard everything what happened in the throne room. They understood little, only that Loki was so crushed by Odin's words, that the king _knew_what happened to Loki. And that some Thanos will come for Loki and it was clearly heard that Odin will use his son as bait… not meant to survive. And that Thor should know nothing about this. It was so suspicious that the four warriors felt uneasy. When they saw Loki when he left Odin, how he clearly was so numb to reality, how he fell on his knees and didn't get up and his tears… They were never close to Loki and not especially after Loki tried to kill them but… Something terrible happened to him, what Odin knew about and – did nothing to prevent? And now their friend (no matter what Loki was still their friend) was on the verge of collapse. They must know what happened so they could help. They will ask Thor about Midgard now.

~o~0~o~

"Loki started a war… to take the throne? "

"Aye. He wanted to rule Midgard. "

"Um… Thor. Don't you think it is kind of…"

"It is madness. Loki has gone mad. "

"Wait! Mad? How-"

"Besides Loki has always spoke that mortals can't live with one ruler. I remember how he studied Midgard and spoke how foolish they are destroying each other, their meaningless wars and other staff. Loki _knew_ there was no throne. Don't you think it's not like Loki? "

"I don't know friends! I don't want to talk about it. Loki killed innocents, destroyed cities-"

"Innocents? Thor! Loki would _never_ do such a thing! "

"Sif is right, Thor. Loki won't go on a hunt other time if he must kill without meaning. He is not one for a battle for the sake of battle and you know it, "- Fandral said.

"It is not like him." Hogun said quietly.

"I don't know! It means I lost my brother if I don't know him anymore! He became evil-"

"Thor, wait! You say this as if we too don't know Loki! But we do! And we are telling you that there is something else going on. "

"I am tired. I will see you tomorrow. And no more of it. The brother I knew is gone. And I will speak no more of that creature that now wears his face. "

"Thor! "

"Thor! "

"It's like something is clouding his vision. With Thor's story and what we heard I think there is something sinister going on and Loki is the victim, while Odin seems like he planned all of this."

"And Thor doesn't want to open his eyes! "

"And he will never go against his father. "

"What shall we do? "

"If Odin will come tomorrow, Loki will be without magic and it means defenseless. I think…"

"Do you think the same thing I do? "

"If you think to take Loki away from here than yes. He is still our friend. "

"And he didn't deserve whatever happened to him.

"We should ask him about it when he is away and safe from Asgard.

"Where to? "

"Midgard. No one will think of it! "

"Then it is settled. "

~o~0~o~

Loki cried helplessly in his empty and silent rooms. And there was no one to comfort him. He will never be free again – until his death, which will come soon.

_'No, no. I can't. I can't do this. Thanos will kill me. They will use me - _again_ \- as bait and only then they will attack. But not before he kills me - because who would ever need me then? I will die and they will be heroes and will live happily after. No... I can't... How could they do this to me? After everything _he_ has done to me... and Odin just watched... How could he..._

Cruel. Disgusting. Loki buried his head in his hands, stifling a scream of despair and helplessness.

~o~0~o~

"Heimdall. Please… let me pass. "

"I can't do this. "

"You knew... what has been done to me? You saw? "

"Yes. "

_His heart hurts. Like it doesn't want to beat anymore._

"Then please... Permit me this little hope... for future not decided by others... _Please_.

"I can't let you pass. "

Loki didn't care how he looked right now - that he openly cried in front of the gatekeeper. His life was over - tomorrow he will be locked away in the palace so that he would not run until Thanos comes. The golden cage indeed. The fact that it was his family – _even Frigga_ \- that once told that they loved him, was doing this to him - broke that little that was left of him. Part of him that hoped still.

"I can't let you pass but I cannot see you if you are suddenly to disappear. This is as much as I can do going against Odin's orders for what you have been through. You did not deserve it. "

Disappear? But he is so weak. What if he won't rest in time and then he will stay here forever? Until he dies. But… There is still a little hope.

"Thank you... And I am sorry. For everything. Please forgive me. "

"You are forgiven Loki. And now go. Good luck. "

~o~0~o~

"Loki?"

"Sif? "Whispered Loki. He had no strength to speak regally anymore. There was no point. "What are you-doing here? "

"We came to rescue you of course!"

Loki looked confused. And Gods did he look tired.

"I don't… understand?"

"Loki, we… we heard what has been said in the throne room. If our thoughts are true that it is a verge of injustice - what Odin did to you. And _is_going to! We hope you will tell us what exactly happened. We are here to listen. "

"And it's a shame to serve a king, who uses his son as nothing but his political pawn! "

"Anyway! We are here for you – to take you away. Are you coming? "

Loki was stunned. Was he hearing things? Did they just…

"What - _What_? "

"Whatever you were thinking, Loki Silvertongue, you are our friend. We may have our faults but we care about you. "

"And we missed you, you know? "

"So! We must hurry. Are you ready? "

"But how… Where is Thor? "

They all looked away for a second. There was such hope in Loki's eyes and to crash it was cruel.

"Um… We talked to him… but he refused to listen to us. He said his father is wise and just and that you have gone mad. "

"And that we are being foolish. "

"Yes, so… Thor doesn't know about any of this. And he won't. He is wrong, Loki. "

Loki lowered his gaze on his hands. Thor – always loyal to Odin. Blind fool… Where are your speeches about brotherhood _now_? When I need you the most…

"All right… I- _thank_ _you_… I thought…"

"Don't mention it, Loki. You endured enough for your life. We will take care of that no harm comes to you. Be sure of it. "

"Where to?"

"Midgard."

"_What_?!"

"It is the only way. Fret not, Loki. All will be well. "

~o~0~o~

Loki crashed on the ground painfully. It seemed he broke his arm and maybe bruised his ribs. Slowly turning his head Loki noticed that others looked bruised but otherwise fine.

Oh, how everything hurt. Loki lay on the cold ground with eyes closed trying to calm his labored breathing. Loki felt like he won't be able to lift a finger. So was still so tired. Four people plus was a mistake. Oh, now he will pass out from the extension.

"Loki? Are you all right? Loki?"

"Just a minute…" Loki whispered.

"We should go. It is not safe here."

"Yes. Can you stand? Loki!"

"I… I will try."

Agonizingly slowly Loki sat. Fandral helped him on his feet, but Loki swayed dangerously so that Hogun stepped too to help.

"Loki! Your arm…"

"Broken… But it's all right…"

"Are you sure you ok? You are so pale."

"My magic… I was not sure if I- if I could go alone. With your four- I…"

"Loki? Hey, stay with us!"

"He passed out, Sif. "

"I will carry him – tis no problem. "

"Good, Volstagg, but be careful with his arm. "

"Of course. "

"He looks so fragile. And he used his last strength on this – to take _us_…"

"We should decide what to do. And find shelter. "

"Yes. Let's keep going. "

~o~0~o~

"Loki?"

"… Yes, Sif?"

"Are you well?"

"… No."

"Oh, Loki-"

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I _can't_! It's too much too much I can't… "

"What is the matter? Please, tell me. "

"… How could he? How _could_ he do this to me he- he claimed to _love_ me and he just let it all- _How_?!"

Sif with horror watched how her friend was breaking apart in front of her very eyes. His pain was touchable. Loki's thin frame trembled from inner suffering. And there was nothing she could do to help him.

"I am so sorry, Loki. I am _so_ very sorry."

"He left me there to suffer inhuman tortures- he left me be ripped apart over and over again- he sat and watched- as an _entertainment_! _How soon Loki will break?! For how long he could stay conscious? When will he start to beg?!"_

"Loki, please…"

"He left me there alone. He didn't tell Thor! He forbade Heimdall to speak of it to anyone! So his plan won't be interrupted! He is _sick_, vile creature. I hate him. _I HATE HIM!"_

Sif kneeled in front of Loki and took him in her arms. Loki was breaking her heart in pieces.

"Shh… It's okay. It's okay…"

"I wish I died as a baby on Jotunheim… I wish he never took me… I wish I never knew you all… And I wish… I wish Thor was not my brother… for he left me alone… he abandoned me…"

~o~0~o~

Fury, Stark, Rogers and six SHIELD agents surrounded five warriors in moments. Aesir pulled their weapons ready for a battle. Loki was still pretty much weak with his arm broken but if needed he will protect himself.

"Nothing will happen if you go with us peacefully, Loki." Captain America said.

"We will not let any harm done to him, mortal." Sif stood with her sword ready to protect Loki.

"Oh! Did he brainwash you too? That's neat. And here I thought Asgardians were strong." Fury.

"Hold your tongue!" Fandral shouted angrily.

"Ok, guys, let's not get trigger happy, huh?" Stark tried to calm everyone down. Unsuccessfully though.

"You will protect a traitor of Asgard? Didn't he try to kill you?" Fury pointed out.

"We will protect our prince!"

"Where is Thor by the way? You are _his_ friends, right? So where is _he_?"

"Thor is not willing to listen for words said against his father Odin."

"What does Odin has to do with this?"

"_Everything."_

It was the first word that they heard from Loki. He didn't look at anyone as he hissed that answer. Now though Loki turned and looked at them. Stark involuntarily took a step back. Loki's eyes were crazy. But not like they were before. These eyes were filled with suffering and anger so intense it was scary. Loki was drowned in pain and for once let everyone see it. Green eyes were shining with unshed tears. But after a moment Loki lowered his eyes to the floor gathering his composure and after a second his face was again an indifferent mask. His voice thought was full of hate.

"How would you like the news that all this disaster could have been avoided? All the deaths and destruction – never happened? How would you react if I told you that if Odin lifted his one finger _nothing_ would have happened… But he did nothing. He just _watched_!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Loki…"

"He _knew_ what will happen _long_ before I even took a step on your Realm! He knew what I suffered and gone through and has done _nothing_ to stop them! He could have rescued me from their hands, he could have _killed_ _me_ for all I cared but alas – he sat on his shiny throne and watched his plan coming in motion. All he had to do was send Thor to collect me after all of you destroyed Chitauri army all by yourselves. And then the last step – lock me up in Asgard and wait for Thanos – who was in charge of the invasion for your information – and give me up to him as a bait so they could once again sacrifice me for the good of the Realms."

"Loki! You don't have to-"

"It doesn't matter anymore… And your precious Thor will never believe that his idol the wise and just Odin All Father is in truth a liar, a murderer and a thief, who will do anything – even leave his so claimed son to suffer tortures for all of eternity – if it will suffice his plans… You should be thankful though that Thor holds love for your Realm because Odin would have let you burn for all he cares."

"… I want to hear a full version from you, Loki. And if that is a lie you will regret it, understood?"

"He won't be – you will be dead if you will dare to hurt him, mortal. Is _that_ understood?"

Fury looked hard at Sif but after a moment turned around and left.

"Let's get going." Steve said awkwardly.

He was the one to go with Loki after all. SHIELD agents escorted Aesir and Stark was following the last.

"Are you hurt?"

Loki didn't answer. He will not show any more weakness in front of these mortals.

~o~0~o~

"Barton. Stand. Back!"

"What the fuck does it mean, Fury?!"

"I said stand back, soldier. It is an order!"

"Hey, birdie. Lower your bow, ok?"

"I will shoot him. And you… I know you? What are you doing here with _him_?"

"Hurt him and you are dead." It was Hogun.

"The fuck is going on! It is HIM! I wished to do this all along. I don't care that-"

It was Steve Rogers that struck Barton from behind. In any other situation, Clint would have noticed him but now he was distracted and emotionally compromised. Steve caught his teammate and carefully lowered him in a chair. They had to talk after all.

~o~0~o~

A/N: and then Loki tells his story and the others listen. Meanwhile in Asgard there is commotion – Odin is furious and Thor confused. Heimdall doesn't see shit. The mortals gather their forces and bring out allies. Friendships arise. Thanos is in for a trouble. Cause Loki will now fight on his own terms.

I wrote it in 2013. Sorry for any mistakes – I wasn't any good in English then. And seeing as all my other stories show the characters in another light, sorry for OOC of my stories canon lol.

Thank you for reading!


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